why the bleedin heck do i do this to myself?
I was having a great day and then thinking...sod it! its my body blah blah, the usual excuses i make....i wen and ate a very tasty greasy seafood pizza washed down with about 4 pints.
The word WEAK comes to mind.
I loved the pizza, and loved the beer. and loved the crack while chatting away in the club. However, now I think to myself...why? I could have had the same banter with my mates while drinking diet coke. And my hunger would have probably been satisfied with a small portion of chips or something.
So, yea its done now. Do I draw a line and start tomorrow..again? Feel like thats all I say to myself.
Its like im constantly on some sort of see-saw. Up when im finally feeling positive, and then down when I binge or am feeling fat (ooooo swear word that is! lol)
I have Citalopram to help with my anxiety and stress, and minor body dismorphia. I wonder sometimes whether I need more help with this. I always think I'm fine, but weight is such a massive issue in my life. Rediculous right?
Its crazy though, I know in my sane mind that I should be happy with myself and not listen to media pressure etc. But then the crazy bit is constantly thinking about food and how I look.
I know the weight gain is from my honeymoon. A week all inclusive in mexico, followed by a week in vegas...therefore american portions! But I just can't seem to get my head back into the healthy way of thinking.
I'm going to try and get my head around this. I know how to do it, I've done it before for heavens sake!!
Anyway, on a more positive note. Work was good today, I'm feeling a lot more comfortable with my job (only been doing this since january). However, Ive realised today my boss is screwing me over on pay! but i have some great employment law type friends who will help me out that!
Right, its getting late. I should get myself to bed at a reasonable time to try and sort this flamin jet lag out!
xx
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
A good start....
Woke up late as im still jet lagged, but still managed to get into work before the boss.
Feeling pretty positive about the day ahead. I've decided not to plan too far, and just take each day as it comes. I've done planning a week ahead (food wise) before and I just feel like im putting too much pressure on myself. I've always said its all in the planning, but I've come to the realisation that you can do too much planning!
Not looked in the mirror today. Which I'm going to take as a good thing. Usually I'll spend time looking at myself and finding all my imperfections and wondering how people cant see them when they are so obviously there.
So breakfast was a yummy bowl of sultana bran, i do love that cereal!
I was hoping to ride my bike into work, but my office is the other side of town to the pool I work at...so havent quite sussed out the travel times yet. But i'll get that sorted so i can get back into cycling.
Im doing the Great North Run on sunday, and I'm really nervous. I'm feeling really unfit and overweight, but i'll try my best obviously!
But if anyone feels that they want to sponsor me, please go to my just giving website!
http://www.justgiving.com/Ria-Loftus
hoprefully these trainers will get me to the finish line!!
Had a filling and healthy lunch of soft cheese on crackerbread with lettuce, a bio yogurt and a diet cola.
Hoping that will keep me going until i leave the pool this evening.
Not an overly interesting blog post today, maybe i'll do one this evening. If im honest, im just procrastinating from work!
If anyoneis looking for a good podcast to listen to, I'm really loving two fit chicks and a microphone http://www.twofitchicks.org/
check their website out.
cheers for listening
Feeling pretty positive about the day ahead. I've decided not to plan too far, and just take each day as it comes. I've done planning a week ahead (food wise) before and I just feel like im putting too much pressure on myself. I've always said its all in the planning, but I've come to the realisation that you can do too much planning!
Not looked in the mirror today. Which I'm going to take as a good thing. Usually I'll spend time looking at myself and finding all my imperfections and wondering how people cant see them when they are so obviously there.
So breakfast was a yummy bowl of sultana bran, i do love that cereal!
I was hoping to ride my bike into work, but my office is the other side of town to the pool I work at...so havent quite sussed out the travel times yet. But i'll get that sorted so i can get back into cycling.
Im doing the Great North Run on sunday, and I'm really nervous. I'm feeling really unfit and overweight, but i'll try my best obviously!
But if anyone feels that they want to sponsor me, please go to my just giving website!
http://www.justgiving.com/Ria-Loftus
hoprefully these trainers will get me to the finish line!!
Had a filling and healthy lunch of soft cheese on crackerbread with lettuce, a bio yogurt and a diet cola.
Hoping that will keep me going until i leave the pool this evening.
Not an overly interesting blog post today, maybe i'll do one this evening. If im honest, im just procrastinating from work!
If anyoneis looking for a good podcast to listen to, I'm really loving two fit chicks and a microphone http://www.twofitchicks.org/
check their website out.
cheers for listening
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