URGH!!!

why the bleedin heck do i do this to myself?
I was having a great day and then thinking...sod it! its my body blah blah, the usual excuses i make....i wen and ate a very tasty greasy seafood pizza washed down with about 4 pints.

The word WEAK comes to mind.

I loved the pizza, and loved the beer. and loved the crack while chatting away in the club. However, now I think to myself...why? I could have had the same banter with my mates while drinking diet coke. And my hunger would have probably been satisfied with a small portion of chips or something.

So, yea its done now. Do I draw a line and start tomorrow..again? Feel like thats all I say to myself.

Its like im constantly on some sort of see-saw. Up when im finally feeling positive, and then down when I binge or am feeling fat (ooooo swear word that is! lol)
I have Citalopram to help with my anxiety and stress, and minor body dismorphia. I wonder sometimes whether I need more help with this. I always think I'm fine, but weight is such a massive issue in my life. Rediculous right?
Its crazy though, I know in my sane mind that I should be happy with myself and not listen to media pressure etc. But then the crazy bit is constantly thinking about food and how I look.

I know the weight gain is from my honeymoon. A week all inclusive in mexico, followed by a week in vegas...therefore american portions! But I just can't seem to get my head back into the healthy way of thinking.
I'm going to try and get my head around this. I know how to do it, I've done it before for heavens sake!!


Anyway, on a more positive note. Work was good today, I'm feeling a lot more comfortable with my job (only been doing this since january). However, Ive realised today my boss is screwing me over on pay! but i have some great employment law type friends who will help me out that!

Right, its getting late. I should get myself to bed at a reasonable time to try and sort this flamin jet lag out!

xx